Deidara, Sasori, and the chocolate factory
by Rockcrab
Summary: Sasori is hurt and needs to be saved, he meets Oompa-loompas, Deidara doesn't trust them. Better than the summary. Read and Review, for Tobi.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- I do not own Willy Wonka (New or old) or Naruto.

Author's note- Too good to pass up. Oompa-loompas now talk English, and so do Sasori and Deidara. Deal with it. The two Willy Wonka's are kinda mixed a bit.

* * *

Sasori was wandering around the forest with Deidara. "I hate the forest..." says Sasori. "It's so uncontrolable."

"Whatever Sasori no dana, un." says Deidara struggling through some brush. Then they look up. They see some Tree Houses and look at each other confused.

"Tree houses?" says Sasori sceptically. They are walking towards them when they hear a sort of noise. They look around and see a creature that was horrifying. A wang-doodle! "What is that?" asks Sasori. It attacks him.

Sasori has a battle with it, but it is very fast. Sasori gets very hurt, but he defeats it.

"Hey, un! Why do you always get to have the fun, un!" says Deidara angrily. Sasori looks at him. "Nevermind, un.." says Deidara looking at the ground. Then they hear alot of cheering. They look up and see creatures that were very small and ugly. Orange skin, green hair... then they start singing.

_Oompa-loompa doopidy deast_

_You have destroyed that terrible beast!_

_How could we ever thank you enough?_

_Maybe we could-_

"Will you shut up, un?" yells Deidara, finally realizing Sasori is hurt.

The oompa-loompas decide without talking that they dislike this other person, but the guy with red hair is _awesome._ "What is his name?" the oompa loompas ask Deidara.

"Oh, this is Sasori and I am Deidara." says Deidara, then he adds, "We're lost, un."

"Maybe we can help." says the oompa-loompas.

"Deidara..." says Sasori reaching up an arm, the other arm is somewhere else, "Deidara, help me up."

Deidara walks over to his partner hurriedly and helps him to his feet. That's when he realizes that Sasori was stabbed right next to his heart. It had been scratched. Sasori was dying. "Sasori no danna...!"

"I know Deidara..." says Sasori rushed, "I need help..." Sasori isn't happy to admit that to anyone, never mind Deidara.

"Sasori no danna! Are you ok, un? What a stupid question... how can I help you, un?" asks Deidara.

"..." says Sasori, then he falls unconsious.

"We can help your friend. We know a guy. Named Willy Wonka, who lives at his factory, he can help." says the head Oompa-loompa.

"Fine, un. But if Sasori no danna dies then so will you! Un!" says Deidara unhappy to take these people's help, he can tell they don't like him.

"We wouldn't let him die! He saved us!" says the Oompa-loompas, "Why do you care so much? Are you his Girl-friend?"

"I a guy, un!" yells Deidara angrily.

"Oops." says the Oompa-loompas laughing.

"HE'S STILL DYING HERE! UN!" yells Deidara.

"Oh, yeah!" shouts the Oompa-loompas.

"Well, un?" says Deidara. Then the Head Oompa-Loompa takes out a box and pushes a BIG, RED, BUTTON! "What's that supposed to do, un?" says Deidara.

"Listen..." says The Heads Oompa-loompa. Then they hear a noise it's an elevator, a flying elevator.

"What is that, un?" asks Deidara, never has he seen an elevator, or a flying one.

"Willy Wonka's great glass elevator!" says the Oompa-loompas together.

"Oh, that makes so much more sense now... un." says Deidara sarcastically. The elevator lands on the ground next to Deidara and Sasori.

"Ok, now you can go in the elevator and rescue your boyfriend!" say the Oompa-loompa's together.

"I'm A GUY!! UN!! WE ARE NOT DATING! UN!" yells Deidara angrily.

"Ok... you better take your friend in the elevator and be off, or he will surely die." says The Oompa-loompas.

So they take off in the elevator to the sight of a hundred waving Oompa-Loompas.

"I have a bad feeling about this Sasori no danna, un." says Deidara to Sasori, even though Sasori is still uncounsious.

* * *

Author's note- That was a bit random, but the best part is coing up! Read and review. Especially review. If you don't, when Sasori is better He'll attack you!

"No he won't, un." says Deidara.

Yes, he will. I know he will.

"He wouldn't because Sasori no danna's not stupid and wouldn't start a universal war like Hidan would, un." says Deidara.

"Hey!" yells Hidan.

Go away Hidan.

"..." Hidan says before leaving.

"Yeah, I wouldn't hurt anyone." says Sasori, "At least not from your universe."

How are you alive?!

"You'll see." says Sasori, "On second thought, don't tell them."

Oh, I will.

"TOBI'S A GOOD BOY! READ AND REVIEW FOR TOBI!" yells Tobi.

This is a disaster...


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- I do not own Willy Wonka, original or new version, or Naruto.

Author's note- I'm back! From where you ask? From... no where. No vacation for me... The people look as they did in the original version of Willy Wonka.

* * *

So Deidara and uncouncious Sasori sat in the glass elevator, it was going pretty fast. Eventually it suddenly stopped in mid-air and Deidara smashed into a wall, Sasori landing on top of him. Deidara pushed him off.

Then the elevator rocketed downward into a factory and in going through it Deidara saw alot of strange things. Deidara saw a giant montain that was brown for some reason, they saw pink sheep, they saw people whipping a cow... and so muchmore. Now Deidara wasn't sure about this place, he was never really sure, but now he was REALLY unsure.

As they rocketed down they saw something coming up through the floor...

* * *

**In the other Elevator...**

* * *

"Let's just hope no one is coming up the other way." says Willy Wonka.

"Other way?" says Mike TeeVee.

"Well there are two elevators." says Willy Wonka.

Everyone turns and looks at him like he was crazy.

"I've been lucky so far." Willy Wonka remarks looking up. "Uh oh."

"Uh oh?" repeats Charlie not understanding.

"Push another button, the green one, on the wall over there, quickly." says Willy Wonka.

Charlie pushes the button and they turn right just as the other elevator passes by right where they were. "This way." says Willy Wonka directing them into a room close by. "This is the puppet hospital and burn center, it's relatively knew..." Willy Wonka gets an Oompa-Loompa to come over. "Could you please go find those two people and bring them over here so I can meet them?"

The Oompa-Loompa nodds and walks away. "What happened?" asked Charlies Grandpa Joe.

"We were nearly hit and smashed into bits by the other great glass elevator traveling the opposite way that we are, and so we took a detour right here." says Willy Wonka, quite cheerful for a moment like this.

* * *

**Back with Deidara and Sasori...**

* * *

"That was wierd, un..." says Deidara to Sasori even though Sasori can't hear him still. An 'Oompa-Loompa' from earlier walks up to them.

"Mr.Wonka wants to see you." he says.

"Umm... ok, un." says Deidara. He looks over at Sasori. He picks him up.

"Is he ok?" asks the Oompa-Loompa.

"No... I don't think so, un." says Deidara sadly.

"Well, come see Willy Wonka and I'll see if we can save your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend! I'm a guy, un!" shouts Deidara.

"Ok ok..." says the Oompa-Loompa. Deidara follows him...

"Where exactly are we, un?" asks Deidara.

"To the Puppet Hospital and Burn center, that is where Mr.Wonka is." says the Oompa-Loompa.

"...he's a puppet, un." says Deidara indicating that he was talking about Sasori.

"Here we are!" says the Oompa-Loompa opens two doors. Deidara feels out of place in front of these children. He has on the Akatsuki cloak... purple nail polish... and his hair like that, while carrying someone dressed the same. It felt akward.

* * *

Author's Note- We have arrived at the puppet hospital and Burn center.

"This is akward. I don't remember this..." says Sasori.

You were uncouncious remember.

"No." says Sasori.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer- I do not own Naruto (show, series, manga, anime, whatever you want to call it is not owned by me...)

Author's note- And back again!

* * *

"Why hello Starshine! The Earth says 'hello!'" says Willy Wanka upon hearing the two enter the room. Then he turns around and frowns as Deidara drops Sasori on the ground with a loud _thump! _"Who might you be?"

"Uh... well... un..." starts Deidara moving Sasori off the floor and onto a bed. "I'm Deidara and that's Sasori." Oompa Loompa's gathered around Sasori and Deidara glanced at them, but then turned towards Willy Wonka.

"Oh, well aren't you a... nice looking lady..." says Willy Wanka turning around and walking over to Sasori. "Is he your husband?"

"I'M NOT A LADY, UN!" yells Deidara.

"Oh don't be so modest..." says Grandpa Joe.

"I'm a guy, un!" says Deidara.

"Really?" asks Willy Wanka glancing at Deidara.

"YES!" yells Deidara.

"Oh, my apologies... well either way, this man looks as if he is dying." says Willy Wanka.

"That's because he is! That's why I'm here, un!" says Deidara getting frusterated.

"Oh..." says Willy Wanka. Mike Teevee and Charlie Bucket glance at each other. Mike Teevee was thinking that if he had a real gun right now the tour could easily just move on and these people be thrown down a garbage shoot... but Charlie was thinking about how sad that Deidara guy must be about his friend. "Oh, and Mike Teevee... you have to leave now."

"Wait, what?!" yells Mike Teevee.

"Why?!" asks Mike's father.

"Because he was thinking evil thoughts about Deidara and Sasori." says Willy Wanka.

"Wait how did you know that?" asks Mike.

"I'm a mind reader..." says Willy Wanka examining Sasori's wound now.

"Riiiight..." says Mike. Mr.Teevee raises his eyebrows.

"Evil thoughts such as...?" asks Mr.Teevee lowering his gaze.

"Mr.Teevee how could you think _that's_ what your son thought? Leave my presence and never return!" yells Willy Wanka as two Oompa-Loompa's escort Mr.Teevee and Mike out of the factory.

"Does that mean Charlie's won?" asks Grandpa Joe.

"Not necessarily... two knew contestants seems to have joined us in this... competetion..." says Willy Wanka now trying to gather materials. Willy Wanka picks up a needle, thread, wood, Sasori's skin tone paint, glue, staples, a hot glue gun, plastic, elastics, a banana, a dandilion, scissors, a chocolate covered frog, and Death Note volume one.

"Wait, what's that, un?" asks Deidara pointing to the Death Note Volume.

"Waiting for people to heal is really boring!" says Willy Wanka.

"Wait Mr.Wanka, who are the knew contestants?" asks Charlie innocently.

"Well Deidara and Sasori of course!" says Willy Wanka.

* * *

Author's note- Dun... Dun... DUN!

"Whoa. Did that guy, Mr.Teevee, think... me and Deidara...?" starts Sasori.

Uh... maybe...

"God, if I was awake at that moment that guy would be-" starts Sasori.

I know. I know... Dead.

"Yeah!" says Deidara.

We're supposed to end this now, didn't you see the Dun, Dun, Dun?

"TOBI SAW IT! TOBI SAW IT!" yells Tobi.

"Quit following me around!" yells Dweidara hitting Tobi.

"That wasn't nice Sempai..." says Tobi.

"I don't care, un." says Deidara.

Seriously. I have to end this...

"WAH! SEMPAI! APOLOGIZE!" yells Tobi. Deidara doesn't respond.

Really, this has to end.

"BUT... but... sempai..." says Tobi.

If we get three more reviews I'll make him apologize.

"YAY! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!!" yells Tobi enthusiastically.

You heard the man! Review for Tobi everyone...


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer- I in no way, shape, or form own Naruto or Willy Wonka (original or knew).

Author's Note- Sorry for the long wait, life suddenly got overly busy...

* * *

_A long time has past and Sasori is now healed... the stack of books that Mr.Wonka had been reading now contained all of the Death Note series, and all of the Full Metal Alchemist series... but besides that... let's carry on, shall we?_

"Where in hell am I?" asks Sasori sitting up quite suddenly. Charlie and Grampa Joe fall out of thier seats, Deidara cringes at the thought of having explain, and Mr.Wonka spazzes out and the books fly everywhere.

"Aw, look what you did..." says Mr.Wonka walking around picking up the books. "You wrinkled Colonel Mustang and Scar... but no matter... how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine but where the hell am I?" asks Sasori again.

"Thank god you're ok..." says Deidara. "Un... and you're in Willy Wonka's factory... he healed you, un..."

"Ok..." says Sasori slightly confused still.

"Wait... did you say we're new contestants... un?" asks Deidara.

"Why yes! Of coarse!" says Willy Wonka. "Let's get started! There's so little to do and so much time to do it in!"

Everyone looks at Willy Wonka confused.

"Wait, scratch that, reverse it..." says Willy Wonka.

"No. We're not staying another second," says Sasori decisively.

"But..." says Willy Wonka. "Don't you want to behold the wonders of my factory?"

"No, un." says Deidara.

"I'll take that as a yes!" says Wily Wonka. "Just sign this contract stating that you do not hold me responsible foranyinjurythatmayresultfromanyactivitythatwedo..."

"Could you slow down?" asks Sasori.

"No!" says Willy Wonka.

"Well I'm not signing anything, un..." says Deidara.

"Then I can't show you the way out," says Willy Wonka.

"Fine, we'll sign it..." says Sasori. "Like we have a choice..." So Sasori sign the contract and Deidara reluctantly signs as well.

"Well now that that's done... shall we roll on?" asks Willy Wonka.

"Wait, un. Are you showing us the way out?" asks Deidara.

"Not quite yet, don't you want to finish the tour of the factory?" asks Willy Wonka.

"No, un." says Deidara.

"You really shouldn't mumble," says Mr.Wonka, "I'm partually deaf in my left ear."

Deidara moves to Willy Wonka's right and yells, "WE WANT TO LEAVE YOU BASTARD, UN!"

"Well..." says Willy Wonka. "Point taken."

"Good, un." says Deidara annoyed.

"But we have to go forwards to go back," says Willy Wonka. "So ONWARD!"

* * *

Author's note- Ok, another chapter, up and ready!

"SEMPAI HAS TO APAOLOGIZE TO TOBI!" yells Tobi.

"No, un." says Deidara.

"Wow, I dissappeared for like, half the story..." says Sasori.

Yeah, sorry about that Sasori. You're kind of just walking with them. And Deidara, you really do have to say sorry to him. We got three reviews.

"Aw, f-ck that... un..." says Deidara before reluctantly mumbling, "I'm sorry Tobi..."

"YAY! SEMPAI SAID SORRY!!" yells Tobi running around in circles.

"Sasori no danna?" says Deidara.

"What?"

"Don't die."

...and that concludes this chapter! Thank you for reading, now... if you want... you could review too. XD

"TOBI'S A GOOD BOY TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!!"

OVER!! SO IT IS WRITTEN... SO SHALL IT BE DONE!!


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